At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
