I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize