How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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