I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
