I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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