Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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