i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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