Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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