you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
