Cold hands, warm shart.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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