Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
