We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found your dick twin last night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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