did you get engaged???
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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