somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize