I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
