so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
