college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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