What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
