Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
