I don't think brook has ever known best
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
