yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
