I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize