I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
