I cannot find my penis.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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