I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
