She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
