If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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