He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
