fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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