Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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