So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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