apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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