Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
