quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
