Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
