i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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