Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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