I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
