Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
