I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize