dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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