I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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