i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
