she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
