dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
