I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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