I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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