Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
