Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize