The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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