The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
