My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
not ubering you a puppy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I supernannyed him into submission
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
