Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize