then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
