I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
