Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
