Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
