dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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