I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My pussy is not your playground.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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