By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
