belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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