I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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