he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
