help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
