Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
