this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
