i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
