Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
