stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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