remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
