I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
