I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
