You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
