Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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