In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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