its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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