Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
