Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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