Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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